Potentise-at-home: new business model for homeopathy

Edit: Now with money-back guarantee (see below)

Like many other homeopaths I'm delighted that the MHRA might be doing something positive to protect the good name of homeopathy. For too long it's been possible to bypass the excellent and extensive training that homeopaths receive and simply walk into a shop and buy a remedy. Buying powerful homeopathy pills without first consulting with a homeopath pretty much guarantees that the remedy you buy won't be properly tailored to you.

It looks like the MHRA could well decide to improve this ridiculous state of affairs by stopping the pointless sale of homeopathic remedies that have not been prescribed by a homeopath, thus returning homeopaths to their rightful place as legitimate healthcare providers, and the only people who can sell or prescribe the remedies.

The disadvantage of course is that an awful lot of people won't be able to get hold of homeopathic pills because there aren't enough places licensed to sell them.

I have an idea on how to get around this - Potentise-at-home.

I will sell homeopathy blanks (these are just sugar pills, with nothing in them) - of course these can be sold without a prescription because they have no medical claims for them. You will then go on to the internet and buy an mp3 file from me, switch on your speakers and place the sugar blanks in front of them for about half an hour. Tests in my laboratory indicate that energy transference takes about 10 to 23 minutes but it's best to allow the full half hour for maximum effect. No succussion is required because I've set the frequency of the sound files to match the equivalent harmonics needed by each remedy.

Money-back guarantee: if you don't find Potentise-at-home every bit as effective as your regular prescribed homeopathic remedies I offer a no-quibble, easy-reimbursement, 100% money-back guarantee. No fooling. (Thanks to @franoreilly for the suggestion).



 

---

This is a joke post (a spoof) poking fun at some of the sillier elements of homeopathy. I do not sell homeopathy or mp3 files.

When I made this post up I had no idea that some homeopaths were going to try and offer sound files for the Ebola virus. It can't actually work (in fact homeopathy doesn't work full stop, beyond placebo effects) and the homeopaths responsible have been firmly condemned, though sadly not much from within the homeopathic community.

mp3 files (or other audio files) cannot transmit healing energy to sugar pills. Moreover, diluting a solution to the point that there's no longer an active ingredient in there means that there's literally nothing in the remedy. Water doesn't have a memory of something that was previously there no matter how much it's been succussed (thumped on a hard surface) or diluted, it's simply quite implausible.

If you have any concerns about your health please speak to a real doctor and be very careful before handing over money to anyone claiming to treat anything with homeopathy (whether by pills, solutions or mp3 files). If they name any conditions in their marketing material you can report them to the Advertising Standards Authority for making misleading claims (the Society of Homeopaths agrees and has produced guidance cautioning its members against careless advertising).

"When you are putting together marketing materials, please be careful to avoid the following:
• Mentioning that you treat, cure, or can improve/relieve symptoms or named conditions either directly or indirectly. Suggesting (implied or otherwise) that homeopathic remedies have direct biological, physical effects on the body. This includes avoiding suggestions that homeopathic remedies help ‘boost the immune system’ or ‘stimulate the body’s healing mechanisms’ – we have no evidence to substantiate these claims, yet we often use these descriptions to convey the principles of homeopathic theory."

I also recommend this article on the harmlessness vs harmfulness of homeopathy when it is used (the pills are inert and therefore harmless but if you need medicine then using something 'harmless' can turn out to be very harmful indeed): http://www.badscience.net/2007/11/a-kind-of-magic/