A homeopath has done a rap dissing skeptics :)

This must have seemed like a good idea at the time ;)

Homeopaths are in cahoots
Dissing skeptics in a "rap"
We shan't be quaking in our boots
- it's, as expected, crap ;)https://t.co/7XaJAmqWbI #homeopathy

— Jo Brodie (@JoBrodie) September 25, 2018

You can enjoy the full thing on YouTube, lyrics below the player. Not exactly the high watermark of homeopathic discourse...



Lyrics
Well the skeptics reckon it’s placebo
Is Homeopathy – but what do they know?
They’re bound to go extinct just like the dodo
They need to get back out in the gazebo
See them as they strut they think they’re well hard
Arnica won’t help them if their bed’s hard
I think it’s time they put their feet up backayard
Someone do us a favour and give 'em a mouthguard

All they ever says is it’s placebo
All they ever says - it’s placebo
Denialists attracting all the dweebos
See me now we’re givin you the heave-ho

We’re s'posed to disagree but be agreeable
Well that ain't gonna happen in the foreseeable
Cos all I hear you chatting is so feeble
"There’s no evidence, it’s totally unbelievable"
Seeing as you’re dying of pneumonia
Don’t come begging me for no bryonia
That homeopathic helpline ain’t gonna phone ya
You’ll be lying there alone and getting lonelier

All you ever says is it’s placeboAll you ever says - it’s placebo
Denialists attracting all the dweebos
See me now we’re givin you the heave-ho

They talk like that and I’m not even joking
If I was their mum I’d ask what they’d been smoking
Denialists – they need a damn good poking
What I want to know - who even let that bloke in?
Wastemen getting bankrolled by big pharma
I pity them next life that’s heavy karma
Don’t call them coconuts – call them bananas
They're pure haters and they love to stir up dramas

Well stir it up come on, make us famous
Homeopathy is nothing - but it’s dangerous?
I think you’re in a muddle now - don’t blame us
Just make your mind up boys you’re sounding brainless

Cos all you ever says is it’s placebo
All they ever says - it’s placebo
Denialists attracting all the dweebos
See me now we’re givin you the heave-ho

Them makin out it’s snake oil and we bought it
Tell me it’s placebo and I just ‘thought it’
Get down off your high horse and start to walk it
Listen up and we can start to sort it
There’s many a path and many a way to trek
So fix yourselves up and start to show respect
If all you can do is spread your toxic texts
See an Osteopath cos you’re a serious pain in the neck

Cos all you ever says is it’s placeboAll they ever says - it’s placebo
Denialists attracting all the dweebos
See me now we’re givin you the heave-ho

So listen up you all here’s what we think
It’s time you drew your pension - index linked
But tell us why you want to cause a stink
And who is paying you to pen and ink?

This medicine that’s permanent and gentle
Including physical, emotional and mental
Sustainable and so environmental
Homeopathy brings health that’s incremental
But maybe that won't profit all your cronies
GSK and Astrazeneca phonies
Your emperor’s new medicine’s balonies
You’re tellin more lies than mr blair – that’s Tony
So fix yourselves up and face the final answers
Your dirty game is up – you dodgy chancers
I’m not being funny but you’re at the end of your run sirs
You’re gravestones will say "all just back up dancers!"

So there’s our rap to the gradgrind skeptic band
Methinks they do protest too much eh fam?
That muggle medicine will soon run out of sand
We’re here to help but till then just talk to the hand.

Short course in flying by arm flapping (power of flight not guaranteed)

Recently I was followed by someone on Twitter who I'm sure is a lovely person but who is offering courses in 'theta healing' (1, 2). I pondered on the nature of these things, in terms of their separateness from everything else. It is possible to 'learn' about theta healing and train someone else in it, and so on, and for this all to happen entirely in parallel (so it seems) to the rest of the world, without any worries about science or evidence ever encroaching onto it.

It's the same with homeopathy really, although recently there has been a bit more of a breakdown in the wall between science and homeopathy where the evidence is now having a real-world effect in reducing the impact of homeopathy on NHS spending for example. The ASA's CAP code compliance team even has pages on its website devoted to what homeopaths may or may not imply in their advertising (see Therapies: homeopathy and Medicines: homeopathic medicines).

With things like therapeutic touch or energy healing where the therapist doesn't have to touch the patient but 'directs their energy' towards them it seems to be an uphill struggle to convince adherents that nothing much is going on. The therapist feels that something has happened and the client feels better for it. In one ASA adjudication someone flogging Reiki even "acknowledged there was little or no published or peer-reviewed evidence but argued that anecdotal evidence, such as testimonials, could support efficacy claims.  The ASA rejected that argument and concluded that Reiki had not been shown to treat the listed conditions."

I thought I should get in on the act and have decided to open up to the public my very successful courses on how to fly by flapping your arms. Thanks to whining by skeptics I have had to amend my claims in light of recent CAP code rulings so I am unable to state that I can actually teach you to fly and can only state that I will teach you the best techniques for flapping your arms effectively.

"CAP has not seen robust evidence to suggest that arm flapping results in any significant uplift and practitioners should limit themselves to claims of availability of courses only."

In the course we will focus on upper arm strength and fluid movement. The course may help you with the following:

• stronger arms
• a sense of buoyancy and oneupmanship over gravity
• better skin
• weight loss
• getting the best parking spaces

Testimonials from happy customers
"I found the course profoundly moving... mostly in the kinetic sense."

"I didn't actually manage to fly during the sessions but we heard that some of the people on the advanced course did manage it. That one costs £600, I'm saving up."

"The course was great - I learned so much and really enjoyed myself. And the plaster cast comes off next week so I'm keen to have another try."

For those who don't feel ready to commit to learning how to flap your arms properly there are also shorter courses in handwaving. More at the links below.

References
(1) Courses: http://www.whitewavehealing.co.uk/courses.html
(2) about Theta healing:http://www.whitewavehealing.co.uk/theta.html